Beauty Regime

Ever seen something that’s made you stop and think about just how ordinary your perception of the world really is. Well, here’s how it happened to me…

In the tradition of my workaholic family, I was on my way to the office on Sunday. I had already anticipated the Sunday driver traffic with its driving gloves, car loads of kids and mid-life crises vessels and had prepared myself for the frustration when I encountered something not entirely expected. I pulled up behind a car at lights; it was a small Holden Nova hatch circa better times. Squinting into the light, I noticed with a chuckle that the driver was sporting what appeared to be a really tragic perm and her silhouette seemed to be spending a lot of time hunched over the passenger’s side fiddling around in her handbag. This, of course, led to the inevitable total disregarding of the light change and the absurd take off which rather than achieving speed really only makes you look like a slightly more incompetent driver. I settled back and exchanged glances with the driver in the other lane who appeared to sympathise or at the very least had pulled off a really convincing accidental eye contact cover up. Now, here’s where the truly terrible driving set in. As soon as she had recovered from the shock the light chance she starts weaving all over the road, and if that’s not enough she’s gradually slowing down and occasionally jerking on the brake like something is actually in front of her, presumably the sun. Now, ordinarily I would tailgate her and pull faces or at the very least over take her and “accidentally” wash her windscreen with my wiper fluid…but today I was feeling kind. I slide over into the other lane and started to overtake her. As I was drawing closer I noticed she was fiddling about with her rear vision mirror. Ah. One of those… I will never understand why women insist on putting their make-up on in the car. There’s nothing like a beauty regime that has an opportunity to take a life.

Having already judged her a complete and utter flake and a danger to humanity, I proceeded with caution. Now here’s where my world gave me a small kick to the head… As I got a little closer I noticed her tragic perm was fairy floss pink. Ok I thought, cool, makes sense that someone who takes the time to maintain pink hair would also be energetic about make-up. We pulled up at lights and I was desperately resisting the urge to give her the evil eye. Then I cracked and looked across. White foundation, bright red lips, rosy cheeks…I was staring eye to eye with… A Clown.

You can come to your own conclusion about how disturbing it is that all that make up was done in transit.